I was NOT made for loving you

Abbie Meyer
May 8, 2016
4 min read

Driving down the road a few months ago, fresh spring air whipping my hair a mess, and spirits high, I sang along to Tori Kelly’s “I Was Made for Loving You”.

I was made for loving you Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you

The song began to tap into my romantic side, and I thought how perfectly I was fit for my husband, and how he also perfectly fit me, and I found myself thinking “I was made for loving Cal.”

Then the Holy Spirit stirred, and I backpedaled.

My husband balances me out in many ways; he is steady, where I am chaotic. He is content, where I am wild. He loves to cuddle, where I love words of affirmation. We love to see the world, love to spend time outdoors, and absolutely love to worship Jesus together. I have never heard him say one judgmental word against me, and he is the most committed and loyal man I know. He is brilliant (this guy has photographic memory for crying out loud), and my favorite sound in the world is to hear him laugh. But let me be clear- He is NOT the one who completes me, and I was NOT made for loving him.

Anyone from my close circle can testify that I strongly believe our culture is way over-sexualized. Everything seems to revolve around sex in the secular world, and marriage in the Christian one. I often use the example of bridal showers- why is it when we get married, we are thrown shower after shower, given an abundance of gifts, when our unmarried brothers and sisters are never thrown a party to this extent? I believe that both sex and marriage are both beautiful things when used in the context of their God given creation. However, it has become far too easy to idolize and over romanticize. Growing up, I felt that my life would be complete after I found my husband and “settled down”. When “the one” walked up, then, and only then, life would be good.

It feels so backwards that sex and marriage are so glorified,

when that is not the main point of life.

I am completed by Jesus, and Jesus only. Our hearts were created with a deep cavern that longs to be filled, known, loved, and accepted. We open up the doors of our hearts for person after idea after thing to walk into this hole, trying desperately to fill it. We all have felt the longing of something greater than us, and it’s easy to displace this onto relationship, sex, or marriage. We are so relational by nature that it’s hard not to get confused about what completes us. No man, woman, friend, parent, sister, brother, grandparent, or any other person can fill what was meant for the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Jesus swoops in, and tells us that He is all we need. All other relationships are a wonderful love gift, but it is never meant to fill the place where only Jesus should reside.

I was made for loving Jesus, and only out of the overflow of Jesus’ love is where can I fully love others, including my husband. Of course we can have spurts of time where the “feeling” of love overwhelms us- with or without the Holy Spirit. But the love that is sustained, the love that is patient, kind, that does not envy or boast, that is not self seeking or easily angered, the love that does not delight in evil and keeps no record of wrongs, that love can only be made whole through the strength of the Holy Spirit. Jesus is the only One who fills that spot in my heart, He is the One who makes me new, and He is the One I was made for. And although marriage is created as a beautiful representation of Christ’s love for his Bride, it was never meant to replace Him.

So, sister, whether you are single, dating, engaged, married, or wishing to be married, just know that you were not made for anyone but Christ. There are men who will love, cherish, and adore you- but they will never complete you. The moment we are able to fully and completely live into this is the moment that we are free to love in all fullness in truth.

I'm a 25 year old living out of the abundance of Jesus' unending grace and mercy. I thrive off of deep vulnerability and connection with others, while striving to live into the call of outpouring encouragement onto others. Often described as feisty, passionate, talkative, and compassionate, I am ENFJ through and through. You'll most likely find me training for a race, handlettering or painting, whipping up a new healthy and whole recipe in the kitchen, singing worship songs at the top of my lungs in my car, or watching the Office with my husband. What do I love most? Pretty light, hearing people's stories of redemption, peonies, my husband's smile, white walls, and the smell of rain.